| 7G08 |
None - Christmas Special |
| 7G02 |
I will not waste chalk |
| 7G03 |
I will not skateboard in the halls |
| 7G04 |
I will not burp in class |
| 7G05 |
None |
| 7G06 |
I will not instigate revolution |
| 7G09 |
I will not draw naked ladies in
class |
| 7G07 |
I did not see Elvis |
| 7G11 |
None |
| 7G10 |
I will not call my teacher "Hot
Cakes" |
| 7G13 |
Garlic gum is not funny |
| 7G12 |
They are laughing at me, not with me |
| 7G01 |
I will not yell "Fire" in
a crowded classroom |
| 7F03 |
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life |
| 7F02 |
Tar is not a plaything |
| 7F04 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 7F01 |
I will not Xerox my butt |
| 7F01 |
It's potato, not potatoe |
|
|
This was used for the second
airing of 7F01 (a reference to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school) |
| 7F05 |
I will not trade pants with others |
| 7F08 |
I am not a 32 year old woman |
|
|
To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright is
not a 10-year-old boy |
| 7F07 |
I will not do that thing with my
tongue |
| 7F06 |
I will not drive the principal's car |
| 7F09 |
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart |
| 7F10 |
I will not sell school property |
| 7F11 |
I will not cut corners |
|
|
It actually looks like this: I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
" " " " " "
" " " " " "
|
| 7F12 |
I will not get very far with this
attitude |
| 7F13 |
I will not make flatuent noises in
class |
| 7F15 |
I will not belch the National Anthem |
| 7F16 |
I will not sell land in Florida |
| 7F14 |
Repeat of 7F10 |
| 7F17 |
I will not grease the monkey bars |
| 7F18 |
I will not hide behind the Fifth
Amendment |
| 7F19 |
None |
| 7F20 |
I will not do anything bad ever
again |
| 7F21 |
I will not show off |
|
|
This was written in an "Olde
English"-style font |
| 7F22 |
I will not sleep through my
education |
| 7F24 |
I am not a dentist |
| 8F01 |
Spitwads are not free speech |
| 7F23 |
Nobody likes sunburn slappers |
| 8F03 |
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner |
| 8F04 |
I will not squeak chalk |
|
|
Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this |
| 8F05 |
I will finish what I sta |
|
|
This appears on one line; the rest is blank |
| 8F02 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 8F06 |
"Bart Bucks" are not legal
tender |
| 8F07 |
I will not fake rabies |
|
|
This never appeared in original airings in
the USA, but did in Canada |
| 8F08 |
Underwear should be worn on the
inside |
| 8F09 |
The Christmas Pageant does not stink |
| 8F10 |
I will not torment the emotionally
frail |
| 8F11 |
I will not carve gods |
| 8F12 |
None |
| 8F14 |
I will not spank others |
| 8F16 |
None |
| 8F13 |
I will not aim for the head |
| 8F15 |
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty |
|
|
Lisa has a blackboard punishment of sorts
during the episode; she has to clap erasers |
| 8F17 |
I saw nothing unusual in the
teacher's lounge |
| 8F19 |
I will not conduct my own fire
drills |
| 8F20 |
Funny noises are not funny |
| 8F21 |
I will not spin the turtle |
| 8F22 |
I will not snap bras |
| 8F23 |
I will not fake seizures |
| 8F24 |
This punishment is not boring and
pointless |
| 8F18 |
My name is not Dr. Death |
| 9F01 |
I will not defame New Orleans |
|
|
New Orleans complained about the opening song
in "Oh, Streetcar!" |
| 9F02 |
I will not prescribe medication |
|
|
Originally, the FOX showings had no
chalkboard for 9F01 and the New Orleans one for 9F02, while Canadian showings had them as
listed |
| 9F04 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 9F03 |
I will not bury the new kid |
|
During the episode, Marge wrote
"I will try to raise a better child" |
| 9F05 |
I will not teach others to fly |
| 9F06 |
I will not bring sheep to class |
| 9F07 |
A burp is not an answer |
| 9F08 |
Teacher is not a leper |
| 9F09 |
Coffee is not for kids |
|
Each line becomes less and less
legible; the last line is a scrawl |
| 9F10 |
I will not eat things for money |
| 9F11 |
I will not yell "She's
Dead" during roll call |
| 9F12 |
The principal's toupee is not a
Frisbee |
| 9F13 |
I will not call the principal
"spud head" |
| 9F14 |
Goldfish don't bounce |
| 9F15 |
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups |
| 9F17 |
No one is interested in my
underpants |
| 9F16 |
I will not sell miracle cures |
| 9F18 |
I will return the seeing-eye dog |
| 9F20 |
I do not have diplomatic immunity |
| 9F19 |
I will not charge admission to the
bathroom |
| 9F21 |
I will never win an Emmy |
|
|
This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy
nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy
Series", but it wasn't nominated (the show had won "Best Animated Show"
Emmys in the past) |
| 9F22 |
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a
toy |
| 1F02 |
None |
| 1F01 |
None |
| 1F04 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 1F03 |
None |
| 1F05 |
None |
| 1F06 |
None |
| 1F07 |
All work and no play makes Bart a
dull boy |
|
|
This was not written "line by line"
like the others |
| 1F08 |
I will not say
"Springfield" just to get applause |
| 1F09 |
I am not authorized to fire
substitute teachers |
| 1F11 |
My homework was not stolen by a
one-armed man |
|
|
A reference to "The Fugitive" |
| 1F10 |
I will not go near the kindergarten
turtle |
| 1F12 |
None |
| 1F13 |
None |
| 1F14 |
I am not delightfully saucy |
| 1F15 |
Organ transplants are best left to
the professionals |
| 1F16 |
The Pledge of Allegiance does not
end with Hail Satan |
| 1F18 |
I will not celebrate meaningless
milestones |
|
|
This was first used for the 100th new episode |
| 1F19 |
There are plenty of businesses like
show business |
| 1F21 |
I will not re-transmit without the
express permission of Major League Baseball |
| 1F20 |
Five days is not too long to wait
for a gun |
| 1F22 |
Beans are neither fruit nor musical |
| 1F17 |
Repeat of 9F17 |
| 2F33 |
I will not use abbrev. |
| 2F01 |
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy
Davis Jr. |
| 2F02 |
None |
| 2F03 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 2F04 |
I will not send lard through the
mail |
| 2F05 |
I will not dissect things unless
instructed |
| 2F06 |
I will not whittle hall passes out
of soap |
| 2F07 |
Repeat of 1F11 |
| 2F08 |
Ralph won't "morph" if you
squeeze him hard enough |
| 2F09 |
Adding "just kidding"
doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal |
| 2F10 |
"Bagman" is not a
legitimate career choice |
| 2F11 |
Cursive writing does not mean what I
think it does |
| 2F12 |
Next time it could be me on the
scaffolding |
| 2F13 |
I will not hang donuts on my person |
| 2F14 |
I will remember to take my
medication |
| 2F31 |
None |
| 2F15 |
I will not strut around like I own
the place |
| 2F18 |
The Good Humor man can only be
pushed so far |
| 2F19 |
I do not have power of attorney over
first graders |
| 2F32 |
Nerve gas is not a toy |
| 2F21 |
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface |
| 2F22 |
The First Amendment does not cover
burping |
| 2F16 |
This is not a clue...or is it? |
|
|
In this episode, there are clues that are
supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns |
| 2F20 |
I will not complain about the
solution when I hear it |
|
|
In this episode, the shooter (see 2F16)
is revealed |
| 2F17 |
"Bewitched" does not
promote Satanism |
| 3F01 |
No one wants to hear from my armpits |
| 3F02 |
I am not a lean mean spitting
machine |
| 3F03 |
The boys room is not a water park |
| 3F04 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 3F05 |
Indian burns are not our cultural
heritage |
| 3F06 |
None |
| 3F08 |
Wedgies are unhealthy for children
and other living things |
| 3F31 |
I will only do this once a year |
|
|
...which is once a year too many for clip
shows |
| 3F07 |
I will stop talking about the twelve
inch pianist |
| 3F10 |
I am not certified to remove
asbestos |
| 3F09 |
None |
| 3F11 |
None |
| 3F12 |
None |
| 3F13 |
None |
| 3F14 |
None |
| 3F16 |
None |
| 3F15 |
None |
| 3F17 |
None |
| 3F18 |
None |
| 3F19 |
None |
| 3F20 |
None |
| 3F21 |
None |
| 3F22 |
None |
| 4F02 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 3F23 |
I did not learn everything I need to
know in kindergarten |
| 4F03 |
I am not my long-lost twin |
| 4F05 |
None |
| 4F06 |
None |
| 4F04 |
None |
| 4F01 |
None |
|
|
During the episode, Lisa writes "I will
not be a snickerpuss." (complete with period) |
| 4F07 |
None |
| 3F24 |
None |
| 3G01 |
The truth is not out there |
|
|
A reference to "The X-Files" |
| 4F08 |
I am not licensed to do anything |
| 4F10 |
None |
| 3G03 |
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac |
| 4F12 |
None |
| 4F11 |
I will not lie in front of the
school bus with ketchup on my face |
|
|
Actually, this episode had no blackboard
opening; Jason Fox drew this in the comic strip "FoxTrot" on the day this
episode premiered - I just want to see who is "borrowing" my lists while
removing things like the notes (and my name) |
| 4F14 |
None |
| 4F13 |
None |
| 4F15 |
None |
| 4F09 |
None |
| 4F16 |
A fire drill does not demand a fire |
| 4F17 |
None |
| 4F18 |
None |
| 4F19 |
None |
| 4F20 |
None - Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase |
| 4F21 |
None |
| 4F22 |
None |
| 4F23 |
None |
| 3G02 |
I no longer want my MTV |
| 5F02 |
None - Halloween Special |
| 5F01 |
Everyone is tired of that Richard
Gere story |
| 5F03 |
I did not invent Irish dancing |
| 5F04 |
None |
| 5F05 |
I will not tease Fatty |
| 5F06 |
There was no Roman god named
"Farticus" |
| 5F07 |
Rudolph's red nose is not
alcohol-related |
| 5F24 |
None |
| 5F08 |
None |
| 5F23 |
Shooting paintballs is not an art
form |
| 5F11 |
None |
| 5F10 |
Pain is not the cleanser |
| 5F12 |
Silly String is not a nasal spray |
| 4F24 |
None |
| 5F13 |
I was not told to do this |
| 3G04 |
My butt does not deserve a website |
| 5F14 |
I will not demand what I'm worth |
|
|
A reference to the holdout of the cast for
more money |
| 5F15 |
None |
| 5F09 |
I will not mess with the opening
credits |
|
|
This appeared in place of the couch opening;
the rest of the family runs into the classroom |
| 5F16 |
None |
| 5F17 |
I am not the new Dalai Lama |
| 5F18 |
I was not the inspiration for
"Kramer" |
|
|
This was first shown three days after the
last episode of "Seinfeld" |
| 5F20 |
None |
| 5F21 |
I will not file frivolous lawsuits |
| 5F22 |
None |
| AABF01 |
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX |
|
|
This was painted on the board in blood with a
large brush |
| 5F19 |
"butt.butt" is not my
E-mail address |
|
|
Originally, "butt.com" appeared in
place of "butt.butt", but it was changed as butt.com is an actual web site
address; however, "butt.com" still appeared in Canada |
| AABF02 |
No one cares what my definition of
"is" is |
|
|
Which is not quite true in President
Clinton's case |
| AABF03 |
I will not scream for ice cream |
| AABF04 |
I am not a licensed hairstylist |
| AABF05 |
"The President did it" is
not an excuse |
|
|
This was first shown the day after President
Clinton became the first elected President to be impeached (Andrew Johnson, the only other
President to be impeached, became President because he was Vice-President when Lincoln was
killed) |
| AABF06 |
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld |
| AABF07 |
Sherri does not "got back" |
| AABF08 |
I will not do the Dirty Bird |
|
|
The "dirty bird" is the
"celebration dance" of the Atlanta Falcons, one of the teams in the 1999 Super
Bowl |
| AABF09 |
No one wants to hear about my
sciatica |
| AABF11 |
Hillbillies are people too |
| AABF10 |
Grammar is not a time of waste |
| AABF12 |
Repeat of 9F20 |
| AABF13 |
It does not suck to be you |
| AABF14 |
I cannot absolve sins |
|
|
In the Moses story, Bart carves "I Will
Not Deface" (actually, "I Well Knot D-Face") in hieroglyphics |
| AABF15 |
A trained ape could not teach gym |
| AABF16 |
Loose teeth don't need my help |
| AABF17 |
I have neither been there nor done
that |
| AABF18 |
Repeat of 3F01 |
| AABF20 |
I am so very tired |
